I’ve read some of the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” It was a toss up whether to buy it or get it from the library. In the end I bought it. I figured it would be a good reference, and it would help me follow my rule of not getting my information from the internet. Not that the internet isn’t a good resource (it is- I’ve learned so much already)- I just spend too much time doing it, which usually leads to chat rooms discussions that stress me out.
It’s an interesting and informative book. I knew a lot of the information already, which helped my confidence that I am TTC correctly. I also like the fact that they stress not waiting a year if you have timed your BD during your fertile period. I plan on keeping as much data as possible, so that I can talk with my doctor about this at my yearly exam if I am not pregnant by then. It is easier to think of 6 months instead of 12 months of BFN.
This may be odd, but I loved the fact that the book included real pictures of CM. Sometimes I’m not sure what kind of CM I’m looking at. I’ve been able to turn to those pictures to get a good idea of what is fertile CM. I’m glad that I ended up buying the book just to have these pictures.
I never thought I would want to have pictures of CM in my house. It’s interesting how TTC changes things.
For the sake of my sanity, I have decided to think of this as my “TTC Year.”
I wanted this miracle of life to happen instantly. I wanted to be one of the lucky couples with a happy “accident.” I hoped to avoid the stress of wondering if I could get pregnant. It doesn’t work that way. I need to take a breath and re-evaluate my plan. If the common advice is to “not try so hard,” I definitely blew it last cycle. I couldn’t have tried harder if I wanted to! I want to take a step back and look at this in terms of 12 months instead of right now. If I happen to get pregnant along the way- Great!
I have decided to make myself some rules to help me focus on what’s important.
#1 I will no longer spend hours on the internet reading different chat threads. I always end up stressed out because of something I read, which is silly, because they aren’t doctors. I will stick to reading about fertility from books and reputable, medically-oriented websites. No Chat Room Lurking!
#2 I will continue to blog about my attempts at TTC. It helps me gain perspective… and I just love seeing the tally go up each day. I love the comments, too! Thanks for reading!!!
#3 I will chart my BBT, and I will use the OPK. It’ll be good information to have. I’ll be able to really pick out trends with a year’s worth of charts. The OPK is expensive ($35 for 20 sticks), but I feel the added comfort that I am doing everything possible to increase my chances of conceiving is worth the money.
#4 I will remind myself often that there is no reason why I would not be able to have children. I will not worry about a fertility problem until my yearly visit to the gynecologist in February. By then I will have 6 months of data collected. I have to give nature time to take its course. I can’t control everything.
#5 I will not overly worry about BD positioning, the few beers my DH drinks a week, or any other random fertility advice. Since, on the flip side, these are not realistic forms of birth control. If they were, I would have saved a bundle over the past 10 years.
#6 I will be nice to myself when I get a BFN or my AF. I will reward myself with something that I stayed away from like feta cheese or peanut butter. I will paint my nails or get a massage.
#7 I will have fun with my DH and enjoy the journey of TTC.
I’ve done a little internet medical research. I know doctors hate this, but I’ve only been trying for one month. Any doctor would think I was nuts for getting worked up about a short LP. Especially if some think that it isn’t a problem. But, I can’t get over thinking how strange it was that I got my period so early.
During my internet searching, I learned that some women have tried Vitamin B6 to help lengthen their LP. That sounds like a simple solution. I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t have a bad reaction with my seizure medication, so I looked at that as well. I didn’t really want to get involved with my neurologist because I’ve been harassing him lately about the chances of having a birth defect. I found out that the seizure medication that I am taking not only interacts with my folic acid (which is why I am taking 4 mg a day instead of just 400 mcg), it also interacts with my B6. What a coincidence!
So, off to the store to get some Vitamin B6.
I also read about a progesterone cream, but I think that I’ll just stick with the vitamin for now. It seems like 10 days is acceptable- just not ideal. It’ll be interesting to see if that makes a difference in my cycle this month.
I have a variety of fears. I am a self diagnosed hypochondriac. My BF would totally agree with that dx. Some of my fears are totally rational and some are very irrational.
I know that it’s extremely common to not get pregnant right away. In fact, it would be considered odd statistically. It’s doesn’t help my fears or the little bit of sadness that I feel… even though I thought I mentally prepared myself for not getting pregnant. But, for those few hours that I thought I was experiencing implantation bleeding, I had moved into the next stage of fears- giving birth. Now, I find myself back to my old set of “will I get pregnant” fears, and I’m sprucing them up a bit as I get ready to try this again. Here’s my list of things I am afraid of:
- I’m afraid that I will not get pregnant
- I’m afraid it’ll be my fault
- I’m afraid I will be an emotional wreck by the end of the year TTC
- I’m afraid that I have a short LP since this LP was only 10 days long. An LP defect?
- I’m afraid that the IUD messed up my progesterone (I used the Mirena IUD for 5 years)
- I’m afraid that my DH has a low sperm count. We’re going to BD every other day this month- 12 days straight of BDing was exhausting!
- I’m afraid of losing my DH support if I get too emotionally involved and then get upset each and every month. He’s very supportive, but he gets worked up when he sees me upset.
- I’m afraid of the effects of the medication I have to take. I am on an anti-depressant (1/2 my reg. dose) and an anti-seizure med. In a nutshell- I had a random seizure at the age of 23 for no concrete reason, and I have been on a sub-therapeutic dose of an anti-seizure med to control auras. So, I don’t trust my body… hmmm…
- I’m afraid that I don’t trust my body to do what it is suppose to do.
AH HA!
After reading my list, it looks as though I have to work on trusting my body to do what it is suppose to do. It’s hard to have faith. But, in a few weeks, it’ll be ovulation time again, and I want to be as optimistic about the results as I was this cycle. I bought my OPK, and I’m ready for AF to go away! Now, I just have to spend some time on myself so that I can learn to trust my body.
I woke up this morning, and my temp was down. Way down. I knew without getting up that AF was here- not implantation bleeding. Ugh! AF is 5 days early. I was only 10 dpo. This isn’t how I imagined this week starting out. I can’t believe my LP is so short. It will be interesting to see if that happens this cycle or if that was a strange fluke.
I am sad, but not as sad as I was anticipating. I think it was better to get my AF before I took a HPT and got a BFN. I understood intellectually that it doesn’t happen right away. This was our first time trying. I know that healthy couples have only a 40% chance of getting pregnant in the first three months. Emotionally, I was deeply invested in this pregnancy already! My DH says it’s set up that way so that you get emotionally invested in the baby way before he is born. Which made me feel better… now, but I might not agree a year from now. So, I’m not pregnant. I really thought I was. I feel a little silly for obsessing over all my imaginary pregnancy symptoms, but they felt so real!
I am going chart my BBT and use the OPK again. I am also interested in reading “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” And, so starts day 1 of cycle #2.
Filed under: Baby Worries, Pregnancy Symptoms, Trying to Conceive | Tags: LP, POAS
Today is 10 dpo. I was proud of myself for not POAS when I got up this morning. I’ve been telling my DH that I am pregnant until proven otherwise! It helps me not test too early. I had a great day hanging out with my DH. After lunch, I went to the bathroom, and I had light red bleeding. I was stunned. I didn’t expect that. My period is not due until the end of the week. A few hours later it was brown with cramps like AF is here. Could it be implantation bleeding? Am I pregnant? Is this really going to happen? Could my LP be only 10 days long? Could this be an early miscarriage? Is my charting completely off? I’m not sure what to think, so I’m just trying not to. Ugh!
Filed under: Trying to Conceive
I’ve been having accupunture done for the past year to help me with anxiety. I was up for anything to try to reduce the medications I was taking. Accupunture, yoga, walking, eating healthy, meditation- you name it, and I tried it. Accupunture is an interesting option. In the end, I wasn’t able to completely go off my medication, but I cut the dosage in half. That’s better than nothing!
The treatment starts out with all these needles in various places like my head, stomach, legs, and feet. I didn’t like when the needles were put it. It stung a bit. Then I lay there for 20-30 minutes trying to breath deeply while listening to calming music in a softly lit room. It may have only helped a little for my anxiety, but I do feel that it may have contributed to regulating my period so quickly after I had my IUD removed. Accupunture it often recommended for fertility issues. I rank it up there with Feng Shui as something that could be helpful… The accupunturist was very excited for me today when I told her about all my TTC details. She used different points on my body to help get “good chi” to my uterus and help the blood flow. When I left, she said she had a good feeling about me- that I already looked like a mommy. I thought that was really sweet of her.
As I lay on the exam table like a pin cushion, I tried to think happy thoughts about my baby. I have one more week to go until I can test. I feel less “pregnant” now than I did a few days ago. I know that in the end all that doesn’t matter, but it was more exciting when I was feeling weird twinges in my uterus and ovary area. Now, I just feel like my AF is going to come. I am desperately trying to keep my emotions under control today. I’d love to fly off the handle at my DH for no reason, but, from past experiences with PMS, that usual doesn’t end in my favor. I bought a trashy celebrity magazine to distract myself for an hour or so this afternoon. I’m just hoping for a BFP next week!
My DH and I have been married for four wonderful years. We’ve really enjoyed being a couple. It’s been fun figuring out how to be a wife, and putting our life together. I feel it’s so important to lay a good foundation for a family, so I feel lucky that I had this time alone with him. I cannot wait to start a family. It is something that I feel that would complete me, and complete us, but I truly feel these four years have been an important start to that. We’ve figured out each other’s needs, how to fight fairly, balance a budget, and love each other. I had always imagined myself already having kids by now, but I wouldn’t change anything for the world.
I’m well aware that people feel differently about this. I’ve been married for awhile, so I’m used to the annoying “when are you going to have kids” questions from everyone. Apparently, once you are married, it’s no longer taboo to ask someone when they are going to have sex to produce a child. As I get older, people are getting a little tactless about the subject, which I find offending! Someone actually asked me the “when are you having kids” question, but then added a thoughtful “you aren’t getting any younger” to the end of it. I was stunned. This woman doesn’t know me that well. For all she knew, I could have been trying for years! What a terrible risk! I was insulted. I provided my stock answer of “maybe sometime this year or next year.”
Our first month TTC is coming to a S-L-O-W end. My DH and I have decided to keep it all a secret (except for my BF… and my blog). People have been so nosey about the whole thing, that we don’t feel like sharing. And, it puts pressure on us to “perform.” I’d rather not have to rehash not getting pregnant with everyone. I’ll be sad and stressed enough as it is without unwanted advice and opinions.
It’s is fun to have a secret with my DH. It’s this really amazing thing that we get to do together, and no one else is part of it. I can’t POAS until next weekend, but my DH picked up a book on baby names earlier this week. I was so touched.
TTC is so personal for so many reasons.
At 5 dpo, it is practically impossible to be pregnant since the egg hasn’t implanted yet, and even more unrealistic is that I am having cravings- especially when those cravings are ice cream and potato chips. I ate them anyway, and convinced myself that it was okay since I MUST be pregnant. Ha! I’ll have gained five pounds by the end of my TWW with this attitude, and I’ll still have a BFN.
Additional pregnancy symptoms that are less imaginary are my bbs. They feel huge. They don’t hurt exactly, but they feel different. I do have a weird twinge in my right ovary area. I’m optimistic! To be honest, my PMS symptoms are different every month. Which is probably why I was able to convince myself that I was pregnant in both July and August. Two BFN even though we were using birth control. To say I was ready to start TTC a little before my DH is an understatement!
I have “baby on the mind,” so anything I feel before my AF is fair game for a pregnancy symptom. I guess, technically, all PMS symptoms are pregnancy symptoms because your body gets ready for pregnancy each month. If there’s no egg, then the body starts over. What an annoying trick of nature when you are TTC. But, it does make me feel better when I feel like I’m obsessing a little too much over each and every symptom. It’s also makes for a good excuse to each ice cream and potato chips.
I’m only 4 dpo, and I already feel pregnancy symptoms. Ha! I know they are imaginary. It’s really funny how the mind can trick the body into feeling things- especially when you read and re-read early pregnancy symptoms every chance you get. I have never paid so much attention to the inner workings of my body. My lower belly aches a bit… is that the egg moving into position for implantation? I feel tired… is it normal tired, or pregnancy tired? Am I going to the bathroom more than usual? Did that smell bother me? Am I feeling lightheaded? My bbs ached a bit right before ovulation and after, but not so much now. That’s unusual- is that a pregnancy change?
I think I’m going to drive myself crazy as I wait for 15 dpo so I can POAS and get the results. I’ve decided to remain positive about getting pregnant. I know that it doesn’t happen right away, but I figure the TWW will be much more pleasant if I am positive about the experience. I’ll deal with the BFN when the time comes, but for right now, I am enjoying the fantasy that I am pregnant and all imaginary symptoms that go with it.
